


Lost Boys and Golden Girls

by Missy



Category: Earth Girls are Easy (1988)
Genre: Developing Friendship, Gen, Humor, Post-Canon, Things To Do When Your Closest Friend Has Run Away With Her Alien Boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:14:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25178260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: After Valerie leaves Earth in favor of true love, Candy and Woody are out of a job and a best friend, inversely.  Who else can they hang out with while they clean out Valerie's house but each other?
Kudos: 2





	Lost Boys and Golden Girls

Woody stirred to life in the California dawn, and two thoughts collided in his somewhat empty head – he was probably totally going to be fired by Ted and Valerie was his last reliable client.

“Oh no,” he moaned, rubbing his throbbing temples. Maybe he shouldn’t have had that last six-pack when he’d lost track of Whiplock and Zeebo the other night. Then again, he’d never been a moderation guy. 

The laid back side of his brain told him to lock away the thought and not poke at it too hard. The universe had always provided for him, whether it be hot babes or tasty waves. Maybe Ted wouldn’t be mad enough to fire him, and maybe he’d be able to find other people in the neighborhood willing to put up with his lax hours like Valerie always had.

*** 

“…And this is your severance check.” Ted ripped the piece of paper out of his checkbook and tossed it at Woody, who took the piece of paper and widened his eyes at the number of zeros. “I won’t need your services after Sunday. Anything that reminds me of Valerie is going out the window.”

“I can’t use the door?” Woody asked, then frowned at Ted’s glowering reaction. 

“This is my house,” he said flatly. “If you remember correctly, Valerie was just a border here and you were staying on her good graces.” 

Nodding as if he understood – but of course understanding nothing - said “totally, sir…um. Dude,” Woody said, and then he smiled, because people liked it a lot when he smiled and maybe if he smiled widely enough – like many of those bikini babes he’d charm his way back into the guy’s good graces.

But Ted said, “now, don’t come back,” then eyeballed Valerie’s cat with a look of hateful suspicion. Woody wondered if he should offer the little dudette a new home, but he could barely support himself. With his eyes on the check, he headed into the hallway and made his own plan to get out fast. That was when he bumped face-first into a head of red hair and a slim form. Normally he’d be excited, but she was standing on his foot. 

There was a woah and an exclamation of dismay and all at once he was on the ground, covered in scraps of lace and satin. 

“Oh my God, I’m like, so sorry!” came the familiar and piping voice of Valerie’s friend, Candy Pink. He’d seen her a couple of times –at Valerie’s house, around town, on the beach. 

“Hey, little red,” he said, waving from under the pile of clothing: he’d called her that, once, a long time ago, and she didn’t react to the nickname. She cleared a bra and a pantaloon set off of his face and helped him sit up. Out of habit, he started to gather up the scraps and hand them to Candy. “Uh…didn’t this belong to Valerie?” It hopefully wasn’t weird or disrespectful that he’d remembered the article of clothing, but it was a bikini that she’d donned frequently enough.

“Yeah,” she said. “Ted called me and told me to get all of Valerie’s stuff out of the way so he wouldn’t have to look at it again. And since like, she’s totally in space and didn’t even leave a name and a number…”

“Oh yeah! Like, I bet she’s not even in the intergalactic phone book yet.”

“…So I’m cleaning her stuff out,” she said. “Can you like, lift heavy things?”

“Oh yeah, once I owned this Saint Bernard and I named it Boogie and it…” 

She handed him a large carton of records. “We’ve got a couple of hours,” she said.

Candy did do some of the lifting – and broke a nail, causing her to whine about the bad acrylics she’d applied this morning. Most of Valerie’s stuff could be carried off and out by hand, the rest of it was a matter of dragging things out and trying to sort them on the front lawn.  
“You’re okay with all of this tho, right?” he asked Candy, when they’d just finished putting all of Valerie’s jewelry into plastic bags to be sorted and hauled for Goodwill. “Valerie’s your best friend in the whole wide world.”

“Yeah, I mean, Valerie has a totally hot boyfriend now and she’s going to get to see whole other worlds now. But like, I don’t know who I’m gonna be spending Saturday with anymore. It’s a real bummer.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah. I don’t know whose hair I’m gonna be pulling out of a drain now that Val’s amscrayed. It’s a super huge bummer.”

They loaded the last of Valerie’s clothing into the back of Candy’s car. “If you ever need extra change, I could always use someone’s help sweeping up at the shop.” 

Well, no one had ever offered him a job before. Usually they were too busy rejecting him to do so. Woody nodded. “If you need anyone to hang out with, I’m like – totally free most days.”

“Bitchin! That might be rad,” she said.

“Yeah! I’ll be seeing you around, Candy!” With that, he turned and headed back to his car and decided to head out to where he knew he was always welcome – the beach. But he kept Candy’s offer in the back of his head, in case he needed it.

You never could have too many friends in the Valley.


End file.
